The Power of a Skirt: Does A Skirt Have More Power Than You May Think?

The power and beauty of a skirt. 

I write this on the eve of many realizations...one being, that I have worn a dress or skirt consecutively for over a week now, trying to implement the self given "skirt-a-day" challenge. This idea came after I returned from Russia(actually, it was in the works there) and wanted to work on a few social ideologies that I witnessed during my time there that may or may not get the attention of a few people who knew me best back home.
While I'd like to think this idea/challenge really worked, to be honest..it was a bust.Not completely, not yet, because I told myself I would do 30 days and see how I felt after. The goal was simple, wear a skirt or dress for 30 days , see if I can get a few of my friends to join in the fun(sorry girls, I totally forgot to mention it) , and see if there are any social or behavioral changes in the people around me based on the fact that I am simply wearing a skirt.
Before the fem-police get called in...I have to go back to how this whole thing started.

While in Russia, I had the honor and privilege to train with a wonderful woman named Olga Malkova.

Olga Malkova...fierce.

At first glance, Olga seemed quite ravishing and shy. She has raven colored hair and orange eyes(ok maybe not "orange" but very light brown..certainly orange in the sun). Her smile almost sings and her voice matches her. She is very polite, courteous and graceful.
Oh...and she can probably kick your ass.
After a few days of being around Olga, she encouraged me to wear a skirt to training. I nearly fell out of my KEEN hiking shoes when she suggested it. My immediate thought was "what if I trip and fall?!!!" But once I took a look around the room, I noticed almost all the women were wearing skirts. None were falling because of them and ALL of the women looked really graceful and amazing. That night, I unpacked my completely crushed and wrinkled skirt (which I was advised to bring beforehand) and laid it out with great disdain. I had no idea what was going to happen or how even..I would walk to the gym..in a skirt...(I didn't. I changed clothes at the gym..because yes..I am that stubborn).

Olga and several of the other women, were really, really amazing practitioners and martial artists. For the entire time I studied and tried to train in Systema in the US, I complained and whined about the lack of female presence in the Systema community. I only knew of a handful of women who trained in it and we all kind knew of each other and it was nice, but some of us felt very ho-hum about training. I personally , was lucky that I had some great experiences with some great instructors but overall, I always felt like I was missing something or, that I was going to get killed on the mat. Either way, there certainly wasn't a balance and I had been told many times, Systema is not for women.
SO of course, my shock in finding Andrey Karimov and his almost even number of women vs men seminars, was astounding. When I asked him if he trained women or taught them Systema, he replied "Why wouldn't I? Women are a strong social aspect of the world and are great to learn from!"...um. wha?
Not at all like any answer I heard before and also the biggest reason I went to Russia to train with him. There were just as many women at this seminar as there were men, and it certainly helped for the dancing part! But to watch these women toss men around like it was easy, was beautiful all on it's own, and in fact, I would have to say the epitome of perhaps what "soft work" should be.

I digress....
The day I walked into the gym in my skirt(or one of them), you could hear a pin drop. It was awkward to say the least and I felt probably the most embarrassed I had ever felt in my life. The only other closest example I had to this feeling was when I went to a friend's house for her birthday party and her husband did not recognize me (after knowing me for 10+ years) because I was "cleaned up". In fact, he almost didn't let me in the house! Had I known this whole time that wearing a skirt had THIS much power, perhaps I would have done it more...
and that was precisely Olga's point. Not that there were any stipulations or feminazi rules about it, but she could fight, dance, swordplay, sing and then cook, all in a skirt, all without falling and all with not even breaking a sweat. She was fully in control of her body, her movement and her grace. She, was in CONTROL.

Please don't let me fall on film, with a sword
(that was my mantra)

nailed it..sort of.

Once I started training, I quickly realized how NOT in control I was. I damn near tripped over my skirt every 5 seconds and of course, this was the same day we filmed a swordplay video.(ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!IN A SKIRT, ON FILM, WITH A SWORD ??!! UGHGHGH)... yes..that happened. Not only did the sword get caught in my skirt every 3 seconds, my frustration level was increasing and my mental state was getting frazzled. Now, this became a challenge. I looked around the room and not one other woman had this same issue, not even the female children. Not one. I was devastated, but trucked on.That night we danced until 2 am. I am pretty sure I mooned everyone there with the number of times I stepped on my skirt and pulled it down accidentally. Grace factor=zero.

The next day, I returned in my hiking pants(which fit by now because I was losing weight from all the physical activity), only to find the men AND women , slightly disappointed that I was not wearing a skirt again. AND, they told me about it!!! I almost felt bad that I had let them down, but wondered what all the fuss was about. The men told me I looked beautiful and the women said the same. It was probably the most compliments I had ever had, in my life.
Why would I not want more?
In fact, a few of the men and women asked if my own boyfriend treated me any different wearing a skirt and I had to embarrassingly admit, he did not. They encouraged me to wear skirts more often to represent a more graceful and feminine energy and maybe , he would hold my hand, or carry my things...maybe.

Of course, this single-handedly went against everything I strived for my entire adult female life. I wouldn't say I was a "feminist" but I would say that I could carry my own things,open a door and hell, I was known to have some of the most random, male dominated hobbies around. I'm not entirely sure if that's being a female in Texas , or just because I knew I had to do what made me happy. The cost was becoming obvious: I lost my feminine balance. Big time. Not only have I noticed in the past 2 years or so, that typically, I am the one holding the door open for men in public, but also I am the one fixing things, I am the one maintaining order..I was also, extremely exhausted. My body has slowly been giving off warning signs, everything from clusterheadaches to a horrific and nightmarish miscarriage. I was exhausting myself by doing everything and working hard to keep the ship from sinking.
But I didn't realize this until I was in Russia. During one of our discussions, one of the men told me how important it was for women to rest, therefore, the men
carried and chased after the young children from the time they could walk, until the children were self-sufficient. (Yeah, mom friends..we did it wrong).....He stated that women were really the driving force in the household and their support, love and nurturing spirit were all necessary to keep men motivated through anything;long work hours, financial loss or even..war.He also stated "this is why it's called "Mother Russia", she is revered.

not even his baby, ya'll, he's just helping.

This sentiment almost had me in tears. Mr. Karimov himself had told me that women were like a nuclear power plant and you never wanted it to explode....(LOL). And by the looks of how these men treated not only their own wives, but me, well there was something certainly to be said about it all.
I was slightly catered to, by some of the men in Russia. And by "catered to" I mean really, they were just attentive. If I looked too pensive , they checked to see if I was ok. Ran out of water?...some on the way...Raining? was covered up....Cold? Offered a jacket or to huddle in close. And usually, my arm was guided on almost every expedition we went on..in unison with many other women..... the women really were cared for. All of them.

Roman Khozeev knows how to do it right!!

Now, the personal debate for me was surely that it could not be just the skirt. However, in retrospect, what man would want to walk with a woman, who is not flowing gracefully with a long skirt, next to him? Not many. And when I brought up the actuality of what it is like in the states, that not many men walk around holding the hands of their female companions in the US, the Russian men were shocked.
Not only was this commonplace for the men in our group, it was common for the men to make sure if anyone else's wife was not accompanied, that one of them would make sure she was taken care of. All the women felt really, really safe. This was something I had not felt in ...well, ever.

Again, I was not sure if this was about the skirt, or about the maturity level of the men. All I can say
is that the women were amazing fighters and practitioners.
They were on point with their skill and grace and I learned so much from each one of them. The men did not take it easy on them in training and every female held her own. It was amazing and beautiful all at the same time. The women had an empowering tone overall and one that I admired daily. In fact, I sent a text message to a friend in the states and told her about this skirt phenomenon. While I waited for her response, I realized that I wore skirts before but usually on special occasions and that, on average, wearing a skirt on any other occasion other than a night out or church Sunday, meant you were a lazy , hippy female , who perhaps had no laundry left. Her response was exactly what I had thought in my head of when I personally stopped wearing skirts..."I usually only wear skirts when I don't have to chase the baby around".

this picture got alot of feedback on many levels

Almost simultaneously , I noticed one of the men in our group, carrying his baby and his
wife was training right next to him, in a skirt. To both their credits, they each trained with baby in hand and switched duties during training , so they could get equal amounts of time participating. This was not something I had going for me when my son was this age, but I could totally see the point of not wearing a skirt one your baby is walking...UNLESS , your male counterpart is equally responsible for the baby rearing.

yes..she took him out with a baby in hand.

Again, looking around the room, and in reflection of our trip, the parts of me that were lost in my personal journey, became the parts of me that were immediately brought back to the table. Often times, women lose their sense of identity when they become mothers and wives and they become all too secondary of a thought in a household. They are easily overlooked, unappreciated and even, left behind and this is exactly what happened to me. I became only "mom" and nothing more which almost everyone at the seminar noticed.....
getting to a point of how to change this , was almost all too much for me to deal with and at times, it is what certainly broke me at the seminar. My emotional state when from being numb, to wondering what I had done in my life and relationships, to how would I be able to recover..?? Yup..all from a skirt...

So, Olga's advice was simple..."Olivia..start small, start wearing a skirt and see how you feel , on the inside, the rest will radiate from within."

She's good, because yes, I feel great but really, the only person who noticed was another friend of mine who coincidentally , ALWAYS wears skirts and dresses. But I also noticed that she has amazing physical balance(she wears heels all the time) and I have literally seen her ask for help when she needs to carry something heavy and no one rolls their eyes at her(um, if I ask for help to carry something heavy, often times it is because I am being sarcastic---hence sub-issue part 2). While her encouragement for hanging in there with the skirt challenge is amazing, I wonder still, what social impact it will make on the people around me? What if I become someone who asks for help after years of not needing any? What if I become someone who can receive a compliment without snorting a sarcastic laugh after...? What if this skirt thing works wonders in my training balance and grace (something I've struggled with my entire adult life)???

Hopefully some of my skirt antics will be available on DVD or video soon and you too, can see my blunders during training with a skirt. So far, it's only day 9 of wearing a skirt and I've tripped and fallen twice, not bad at all. I rather enjoy the whole skirt thing and if you'd like to join in the challenge let me know!!

Food, Folklore and Fairy Tales: Creating a System(a)

Recently, I delved into a bevy of delight when Andrey Karimov and I began exchanging folklore tales via videos and images . Mostly, I found alot of translated Cossack imagery and tales that were from an antiquated book, and I was checking with him to see if he had heard of them.I am very fond of the art of alot of the stories.

But also, much to my surprise, alot of the tales very much mirrored what I grew up hearing in my own Mexican American culture...
Now , I could on and on and do a side by side analysis of the similarities and imagery, but that would be a whole nother blog...

But for now, one of the key things that I have noticed is that for the most part, the traditional tone of both cultures easily merges. As Mr. Karimov and I share You Tube videos of each other's respective cultures , whether it's song, dance,or performance, we almost always are amazed at how closely related the details are.
At one point, I asked if we had been separated at birth( he didn't respond). While Mr. Karimov takes the time to preserve his heritage, I am off and on trying to dig into mine. Having ADD makes it no easy task and I often get swept away into hours of reading something I never thought I would.
While he knows songs and folklore of his rich Cossack heritage, I can only name a few of the Mexican Folktales I remember from childhood. In fact, one of my favorite folklores , I have tattooed on my back simply because, I have no other real connection of my ancestory and it was one of my favorite tales that my grandfather told me repeatedly , when we spent time together.
This is why meeting Mr. Karimov became more than finding out about Systema. It became a virtual life shift, from the mundane, to now daily reading and studying as much as I can about both worlds. It is a huge undertaking and more than a full time job. How Mr. Karimov does this, is beyond me. I barely remember which was the last book I read a week ago, let alone...which video correlates to what topic we're talking about.
This leads me to believe that Andrey Karimov is a type of phenomenon that we rarely see in our lives. While we like to believe we all meet people for a reason...meeting Mr. Karimov at this specific time in my life , I would have to say, has been the most refreshing thing that has happened in a while. I endlessly get lost in his catalogs of videos of song, dance and music, yet his one to two word responses to my lengthy questions always delight me.
This, to me..is Systema. And while we rarely talk about actual Russian Martial Arts anymore in the "Systema" context, I am always referred back to the meaning of the word..."system". This is a system or method that we should all adapt to. Caring about each other, making connections, forming communities and reaching out to people. Nevermind the awesome training and sword work that visually speaks for itself, but through this type of friendship, we have created something more...a SYSTEM.
The closest thing I've witnessed to something similar to this in my own Hispanic culture was something that happened a few years ago when my son started public school.
I remember desperately trying to rally up members for his low performing school's PTA. I was appointed Vice President(I don't even think I ran for election) and there was a mom, Gloria, who was very active among the Hispanic population of the school(which was 65% Hispanic). Once she realized that I spoke Spanish, her and I became a force and a voice for the Hispanic families that had children in this school. I knew my son was not going to attend there the following year, so I did everything I could to prep her for becoming the school's PTA president. We poured over documents, English lessons, meeting notes(there weren't many) and anything I could think of. Together, we managed to develop two literacy programs for the school and one ESL program so parents can help tutor and learn with their kids.It was exhausting to say the least. Gloria and I rarely spoke outside of school, but one day she called me. I immediately thought something was wrong...(no one calls me, really, unless something is wrong). She asked me what I was bringing to the teacher luncheon the following day.
Because she found out I was a chef, she wanted to see if I was bringing anything spectacular..I told her I was just bringing dip...but it was really good. She laughed and asked if I wanted her to make anything from my childhood.
Now if you're Hispanic, you know this means..tamales. Part of our culture is widely based on food. So without even saying it..she told me she had already made some and was going to save extra for me.
The next day at the luncheon, Gloria and I met in the hallway..she had me follow her to the room where the food was going to be served. When I walked into the room , I all but dropped my pathetic dip with bread bowl, I had spent a total of 15 minutes making. There, in all it's glory, was a buffet fit for several kings. There were about thirteen other hispanic women and Gloria, still working on food preparations. One of the women took my dip from my hands and handed me a plate. The look on my face must have said it all...because she then grabbed my arm and walked me to the first section of food. I was in complete , utter , food anthropology heaven. Some of these women were from El Salvador and South America. Most are from Mexico and none, not one, understood why I was about to cry.
All I remember doing was hugging each of them and getting really, really emotional. While they laughed emphatically, I remember the look on Gloria's face.... she winked at me and in that instant, I knew we had formed a small community. And despite my food geekiness, the women filled my plate with way more food than I could ever imagine. A week or so later, Gloria invited me to her son's birthday party. I asked her if she needed any help and all she said was "don't pass out when you see the food"(in Spanish). When I arrived at the park, there was more food in so many pots and containers than I could ever imagine. I immediately told her she needed to open a restaurant and started calling everyone I knew who had some information on how to help her. She looked at me like I was crazy...but then said" if I open a restaurant, how would I be at the school all the time?"
This was a dilemma. I told her to think about it and to invite me to every gathering she ever had for the rest of my life. And she did, until she moved.
But also, she became PTA president the very next school year. She held meetings in Spanish with an English translator, and did very well for the school. This, was a System.It was a community and probably the closest thing to forming a sustainable source effectively as possible. And it wasn't just one person, it was a few of us...but we did it.
When I look into Mr. Karimov's world, I notice that everyone magically works together. There aren't too many days that go by that I don't communicate with him, and there are even a few days here and there that I talk to some of his instructors from other countries. And seemingly, we are all on the same page. It is such a great feeling to know that this exists, albeit a zillion miles away. It makes you really wonder why this doesn't exist here in the US? Is this an issue as a whole for martial arts? Since I do not know that many martial artists, it would be hard for me to check. I do know that my son's former martial arts instructor and I still talk frequently and I do know, that if she ever needed anything, I would be there for her and vice versa. But maybe, that is only because we clicked. I also know that if any of the people I have trained with , needed something and called me, I'd be there for them too. How could I not? We have all been through some pretty weird things together, and sweated on each other, saw some blood, some emotions...some life. It would be a great System if it stayed that way.

As I was typing this, I decided to watch "Tyson" a documentary about Mike Tyson. His former beloved coach and mentor, Cus D'Amato said this "I never teach until I’ve spoken to the fighter. I have to first determine his emotional state, get his background, to find out what I have to do, how many layers I have to keep peeling off so that I get to the core of the person so that he can recognize, as well as I, what is there."
I almost fell off my chair when I heard this. This is what ,Mr. Karimov and I had been talking about . This is not a new concept, but clearly , produces world championship results. Unfortunately, Mike Tyson fell apart once Mr. D'Amato passed away, but swears that his life would have been much worse had he not had the few impermeable years he had , with him.Imagine, if he had remained alive, the completely healthy mental shape Mike Tyson would have been in? Andrey and I have spent hours upon hours talking about the psychology of Systema. Something I never really thought much about until I asked him.And when I now say "he's my instructor" people must think , "she is crazy, he's in Russia!!"Let me be very clear. I know that. He knows that. But I have learned so much from him about the mindset of training, that I am baffled that it is not discussed here. What he has taught me, is far better from any fall or punch I have conditioned my body to take. Sure , maybe mindset and mental state are mentioned in a few books, but the sense of understanding what real Systema is, now, more than ever...has stopped me dead in my tracks.In a good way.
Now, for the life of me, I don't understand why Andrey Karimov spends so much time interacting with me, but I am truly grateful, to him and his beautiful family. It has made such a huge impact on my personal training goals and direction I would like to take and definitely has opened my eyes to a world of possibilities not only for myself, but for my family , friends and community. How can one person make such a difference? Just by being open and talking. In fact, sometimes, I watch his training videos and think, "this was the man that I just talked to about Russian Folktales?".Because, he is so very , very powerful at training, and so very enjoyable to talk to, you'd almost swear it is two different people...but that is because I had such preconceived notions of what an "instructor" and "instruction" is.I have even , in fact, asked him if it was him in all the videos and still the same person I talk to. Can a person have such a dynamic of being both a great artist and compassionate human being? Yup. And he wants everyone to feel the same. It's a System. Defined in the rawest, purest , state.
And on the heals of all this, I remembered  a picture someone sent me this morning, that made my mouth drool...

And yes, I am aware it is a religious setting, and yes, maybe I shouldn't have noticed the food first. But more importantly , I noticed just simple sense of community. Whether it be a church setting, ladies luncheon, or martial arts group meal....this is still Systema. 

click here to watch one of my favorite Systema videos of all time

Fear Mongering: How You Can Learn About Fear, For Free!!

Ever since I began my training in Systema, probably the one thing I heard over and over was the word "fear".
Now, just hearing that word, may make people start to slightly panic.That's right, if you tell people, "today, we are going to work on FEAR control", then you may get some reaction.
When someone says that to me, I immediately think of clowns.Clowns scare me. They are a legitimate fear.

Just found out this is Tim Curry, so that makes it ok.

But, in training, fear control is taught in different ways. Everyone is kinda more or less told that to control fear , they have to evolve and work through their own thresholds. Now this, as someone who has had several close calls with death, sounded completely foreign to me. How can anyone teach people how to control fear, if we all have different fear levels? How is this possible? How do you even know what my fear is, if you have just met me?
Well the answer is, it isn't fear control. It's panic control.But because that's more or less a subjective word, it is replaced with "fear". Why? Because the word "fear"sells. Quickly.If I tell you, "here, I will give you all the tools you need to defend yourself from getting attacked and to stop being scared", you may believe it. You will really believe it if you go to a seminar and watch others believe it.
But, if you've been in a close call, or near death incident, you may check your psyche.For me , personally, my fearful moments were not getting mugged, or jumped, or assaulted. My moments were: being in a burning house, hearing my son was in a horrible car accident, having a nurse tell me that I had a miscarriage.
That, is fear. Those precise moments. Also, alot of panic. But mostly, fear.There is no way, on earth, you can teach me to prepare for those moments. Why ? Because for the most part, I had no idea any of these things would happen to me . Those incidents happen so quickly, that your mind sometimes doesn't react right away(this is perhaps why PTSD sets in).
In training, in a classroom type environment(indoor or outdoor), it was impossible for me to experience even the same level of fear as any of my real life experiences. Class had a start and stop time and I felt completely comfortable getting thrown around, hit , kicked, stepped on. I did not ever experience fear. Nor would I want to.
However, across the board, the basic training for this fear control(fear of what, I'm not sure) , was breath holds. Breath holds, if you read about it in any Systema blog,book or see in a class, consist of burst breathing, breath holding, breath releasing etcetc, until you almost or in fact, do pass out. If you've ever played the "pass out game"(which many children every year die from), it is the same feeling. I've done this breath work and the results were horrible, not scary. I threw up in my own mouth once, I blacked out another time, and the last and final time I did it, I had the worst migraine I've ever had in my life. Was I scared? No.
Mad? Yes.Very. Why was I doing this? I knew what my fears were and there was no way this breaking psyche point of breath holding was going to get me there. Apparently, you are supposed to feel a sense of panic and be able to control yourself when you get to that point. The point when you should be gasping for air, you're supposed to hold out a little longer.
Um.Newsflash. I, like many people...suffer from asthma. Telling me "you know..stop breathing so you start panicking" is like telling King James how to write the Bible.
I KNOW how this feels. Again..even suffocating during an asthma attack, not the same fear as being mugged , in a fire, or hearing really bad news. Not even close.

actual picture from that day

Why? Because I have had asthma almost my whole life. I am a pro at asthma. I have the kind that no one wants. The kind that can be dormant for a year then provide me with another year of complete confusion and an array of medications.In fact, I am so calm, cool and collected during my almost choke-to-death asthma sessions, that even my own Doctor was concerned during a visit once when I arrived in her office and I was gasping for air. I was there for something completely unrelated to asthma and a certain airborne scent triggered me. By the time her nurse was checking my lungs, I was in full blown attack. My son sat and read his book and I calmly looked for my inhaler, while the doctor and nurse ran from room to room searching for a nebulizer. This is now what I feel is a result of lifelong exposure to the chaos that surrounds this disease. My calm demeanor during the attack is a result of years long panic and frantic not knowing what to do. Immersion therapy at it's finest. Because I was in a total environment with this disorder, I knew how to calmly and confidently handle the situation.
So how or what makes anyone who starts out in Systema think they can confidently handle a surprise attack? How can you train for fear, if you are not in a total "fear" environment? How do you even define your own fear levels , if you have not ever been in the situation of being attacked, randomly, unprovoked, and without warning.You know how you can do this?
Enlist.
That's right..sign up for any one of the armed forces and train. Train like you mean it. Train like you are fighting for something or someone . There are no Systema competitions, (other than the "my ego is better than your ego" ones, or "my gym has more participants than yours"), so why do any of us think we are training for a total fear environment? Because we bought into the marketing.
As I began writing this a few days ago, something really disturbing hit the news wire. A woman was beheaded in Oklahoma, by a coworker. While the level of " I told you so's" hit the internet, I sat and waited to see which martial artist was ready to capitalize on this. How did I know this would happen? Patterned behavior.
Within 24 hours a notable school here mentioned how their women's class switched to "anti-beheading measures"
Ummmmmm, what? How do you even begin to teach a class on that? Do they teach this class in countries that have frequent beheadings?  I don't know what was actually discussed in class, but a first thought would be teaching situational awareness, BUT , if you are already training in any martial arts , you should already have been taught that....I would think.
Unless, you need to be SOLD that you NEED to be taught how to protect yourself from a beheading. Other than donating all the class proceeds to the victim's family, I cannot imagine how this is possible. Unless class consisted of praying for the victim and witnesses, then I am completely , once again, face planting into my keyboard. Then, openly discussing that , this was your class topic...wha??
While I wish Systema here would stop targeting vulnerable individuals,and fear mongering groups of people,  I see the financial gain from it. Once I stepped back from the US Systema methods  and looked at international options, I realized..this is an American problem. The marketing for most classes usually consists of " protect yourself" or " know yourself" or " learn combat style", or even better, "advanced weapons training". And you know what I found? Some of the best, finest, most well rounded Systema groups and instructors, don't even advertise or have classes, AND..they will talk to you..for freeeeeeeee!
 I wish we would all question "what are we really training for?"
Are we all weekend warriors ? Are any of us really prepared for real live fear?
Everyone knows, being in battle, of any kind..is REAL fear training. A mom who's son just got diagnosed with leukemia...fear.
A mom, who sees her child's teacher on TV arrested for molestation. Fear.
A mom, who can't find her kid in a grocery store.Fear.
A dad, who's daughter goes missing after he tells her to break up with a certain male. Fear.
Seeing no movement on an ultrasound , after being pregnant for five months....fear.
Signing up for war......
These are all examples of real fear. Telling me that holding my breath until I vomit, or holding me down while six people are rolling over me..not fear. Not even close. Maybe , panic at best..but even then, class is only a few hours..so I know, it will be done.
If you have trained for Systema for more than three years, you could have easily joined the military. Not only would you receive FREE combat training, FREE uniforms and FREE travel, you would receive real live FEAR training. For free...in fact, this country will pay YOU(at some point, if you make it out alive).I dare any of us to approach any vet that just came back from a war and brag to them about how many Systema seminars we've been to, or who's school we just got back training from , or which instructor punched us while we sheepishly waited in line. Please..do tell a vet about your highly paid for combatives training, show them the shirt you paid for.See what happens.

As for myself, I will continue to face my daily fears of not knowing if I will ever recover from a spinal injection, or if I will ever heal from a tragic loss, or if I can financially maintain my household long enough for my body to get back into working order.This is fear.

Study the definitions alone, challenge yourself, your instructor, your life.

Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. 

Panic  suddenly destroying the self-control and impelling to some frantic action.

Bamboozled to deceive or get the better of (someone) by trickery, flattery, or the like; hoodwinked (often followed by into)

Learn about :
Psychological marketing .

Giving you what you need.: Out of the Mouths of Babes :How a Seven Year Old B...

Giving you what you need.: Out of the Mouths of Babes :How a Seven Year Old B...: Recently, our family was eating lunch at one of our favorite establishments . My fiancee and I were openly talking about the events that ha...

Out of the Mouths of Babes :How a Seven Year Old Broke it Down

Recently, our family was eating lunch at one of our favorite establishments. My fiancee and I were openly talking about the events that had taken place earlier in the day in front of our children (our children are very perceptive and would, quite honestly, know if something was wrong).
We had been discussing a bizarre phone call I received from a martial arts instructor that made zero sense to me. (see, Being Blindsided:How We Succumb to the Misguidance of Others).
As I tried to explain the overall tone of the conversation, and began even confusing myself, I looked over at my 7 year old stepdaughter, innocently eating her meal, tearing lettuce with her hands, piece by piece.
Typically, when I am really confused by the actions of people, I can ask any child around me at any given time and say " what do you think this means if someone does this". Their answers will amaze you.
The conversation went something like this:
 "So, this man calls me, a man I do not know, and starts to talk over me, begins telling me the path I should take in my professional martial arts training career, starts gossiping, tells me I am making a huge mistake by going to Russia, is trying to HELP me...and , I didn't even ask him.What do you think that means? I mean, I see you taking your huge chunks of lettuce and you want them to be small pieces of lettuce, what do you do?"

I glanced over at her father and said ..."Watch her break down what I need to do..."

She is quite fond of these games. We play them regularly. She very blankly looked at us and tore the chunk of lettuce into small pieces and took a bite of her meal. And said " you just tear it". I rolled over into a ball of laughter.

Yes.That's right..just tear it.

Often time as adults, we get so wrapped up in the complication of getting from point A to point B, that we forget how incredibly easy it can be to go on a the journey. We struggle, emotionally, mentally, physically. We run into all sorts of obstacles and sometimes, even stray from our path. We forget that we can just go around the obstacles and get to where we need to be. We can easily get sucked into over thinking anything and everything, and can be very easily slowed down by the pettiest of things.

While my stepdaughter didn't wholly understand the great value her visual demonstration of what she did, she got the idea.
Why listen to anyone over explain what I need to do, when I KNOW what I want to do?

This is why children are so supremely valuable to learn from , they are raw, real , honest and to the point. If you allow them to be. If you give them an outlet, you may learn more from them, then they will learn from you.

As I sit and painfully watch the migration of Systema in the United States go from something that could have been deeply formulated to embrace children in a more direct and positive starting point, I do understand, for most, this is a combative art. However, I do not understand why alot of instructors refuse, hate or even gasp at the thought of having a kids class or two.
Even better, why not have a parent/child class?
Now , I may be divulging some ancient secrets here, but there is NO better workout than playing with some squirrly 6 year olds. Let me repeat...playing with a group of 6 -8 year olds, will make any crossfitter bust a knee cap, pull a tendon..or worse...laugh.

As I longingly watch Andrey Karimov's You Tube Channel, I immediately seek out the ones where the men are training with children. The children are climbing, rolling, spinning, twirling, jumping , and really, really getting into it. They make their body movements look so easy, it is almost hard not to want to be a kid again. In fact, I repeatedly ask him if I can just take the kids class....
And the men in the videos? This is their warm-up. This is their psyche breaking. This is their bonding.This is their way to let go, have fun and loosen up. Before they work on themselves.

And if you think for two seconds it isn't a workout, I beg you to watch the looks on some of these men's faces at the end of the videos. It is priceless.

Even better?? Mr.Karimov has a line formation of adults and they respectfully shake the hands of their pint sized training partners. I don't know about you, but that almost makes me tear up every time I look at it.

As a society , we have completely lost touch with our children. I am guilty of it myself. I mentally check out if my son is droning on a bit too long about Minecraft, or if my stepdaughter repeats her idea for a complex saddle design that , clearly , only she can visualize. There are days when I, personally am so tired, I sit and stare at them playing and think "I should play with them" , but have no energy to do it.

Unless , they make me.Which usually involves one or both of them , sneak attacking me, scaring me, or some other ploy to get me involved.And for this, I feel extremely horrible. I should, SHOULD be going to them. Our time with them is so precious, I should be engaging them. I should.

As martial artists, we should too. These children, are our futures. They are the future leaders, teachers, doctors , lawyers, warriors that we will need to make it. We need to fully invest what time we can with them. And that, that is how Mr. Karimov teaches.
When I asked Mr. Karimov what or how  he needed to teach a class here in Texas, his number one request he had was "children".

I sat shocked, stared at the screen for a minute, thinking Google Translate failed me again. I assumed he was going to say " a padded gym , some whips, 20 participants, $9000000, a translator, a limo, green M & M's facing the same way in a bowl". But it was just "children".

If you have children, and you're reading this..I beg you to spend one or two hours a week, just trying some simple exersizes with them.My son and I began training together over the summer and it not only bonded us immensely, he was able to finally take me down after two years of trying. He said it was his proudest moment of the year. My stepdaughter , during our training, has become one of the best massage therapists ever.She delicately shoves her tiny feet into my back all while laughing and making jokes. She has become a near expert on not falling off her father during their "hang on tight" sessions, and she is 100 times more confident than I have ever seen her.
And I, I personally have seen their new found strength as a sign of what I had been missing for a while...connection.

I probably won't ever be able to eat lettuce the same again, without thinking of her analogy, but I will remember that if I am going to do something, I'm just going to do it.


If you need ideas on what to do with your children ( at any age level by the way)...
you can check out this video. And guess what? Alot, if not all of it, is a precursor into training Systema(traditional).

To visit Mr. Karimov's You Tube page, for more exciting videos, never before seen footage and detailed demonstrations check out his You Tube Page here.

The Battery Effect: How The Company You Keep Can Drain You

One of the most amazingly surreal things that I must point out immediately is that not ONE of any of the people (mostly men) who Mr. Karimov has connected me with, have been disrespectful or rude. Not one.
Considering the language barrier, the lack of knowing who I am, and the cultural differences, all, yes, ALL of the men who train, work with, or know him have all been the most delightful or helpful people ever.All of them.
Mr. Karimov himself has taken so much time from his schedule to answer any of my questions, has shown me archived footage, shared photos and even gone as far as to Skype with me! How cool is that? Very.
Considering , for the most part, I can't even get a response from one of the biggest Russian Martial Arts factories here..without jumping through a zillion hoops. Coincidentally, this is the same factory that I have dumped a ton of money into. Good luck trying to get on their forum , email list or getting a question answered.
This goes back to what I like to officially now call , " The Battery Syndrome". I am not sure of the direct origin of this phrase, but my fiancee told me about it a few years ago. Basically, if you are a fully charged battery, and you are around nothing but negatively charged batteries, then you too, will become a negative battery. If you are around positively charged batteries, you will remain positive. Perhaps even if you are a negatively charged battery and surround yourself with positive ones, then you will up your game. If you take the battery part of the equation and replace it with "humans", then there ya' have it.
Brings me back to what I have recently been through on this journey. Not that long ago, a school here in the U.S. posted a very sexually explicit, demeaning and disturbing "ice bucket challenge" video.
I.LOST.IT.
How on earth is this going to HELP women in Systema in the U.S.? If you read the comments after the video(now deleted), you would damn near think that this behavior, was completely OK by U.S. standards. And you know what....? It was.
As I sat in shock and watched the video , over and over, with the school's logo, insignia and owner partaking in the background, I noticed one MAJOR issue. Not one instructor associated with the international program said anything...not publicly anyway.
The fact that this was even an "ok idea" was completely absurd. I had just mentioned to several of my female friends who had been interested in Systema , that it was a completely balanced art, and that they would surely be welcome at any school. I was mortified. And to think some of the more sought after international instructors had daughters...just....ick. How would they feel that one of their largest earning schools/networks considered this an "ok" practice? What about respect , as a whole, for who you are representing as a school?
As I launched into an online melee of sorts over the whole deal, I had to ask....
How does this happen?
Batteries.
Some of these men, clearly do not take into consideration there are women who are eager , and willing to jump into a class and spend hundreds of dollars a year on a program that doesn't really have anything for them. We do it because we *think* it will help our self defense strategies. And , if you have the right instructor, it will. I was VERY fortunate to have an amazing instructor. Who , most certainly treated me the way he treated anyone else. He didn't care if I had female anatomy. He only cared if I was understanding the information. He only cared if I got it. He only cared if I showed up to class and participated. I was lucky.
How does this pertain to Mr. Karimov?
As I stated before, not one individual who I have met through him , has been even almost rude. Not one. My training here in the U.S., it is easier for me to count the 5 or so men who HAVEN'T been complete moral apes. Maybe Mr. Karimov has absolute standards in the company he keeps. Maybe, just maybe, he has expectations of his instructors, collegues and students. Maybe , this is Systema at it's finest. Maybe, this is how it realllllly should be.

The main prompt of writing this today also came on the heels of an online conversation I had with another martial artist. Midway through our chat, he said the following:

Man:" oh..oh you're a woman???!! I AM SO SORRY! I thought I was talking to a man! "
Me:"It's ok, I get that alot, I mean.. in person, with my hair up..although I think my profile picture doesn't really look masculine"
Man: "It wasn't really your picture, it was the manner in which you were candidly asking questions and debating my statements so profoundly"

This is an actual copy and paste with names deleted to protect privacy. This, really did happen.
The Systema Factory (I think I'm gonna just call it that for short) here in the U.S. has become a big one full of self absorbed, ego filled people who want to be on top. As I have reached out to "other" strains of Systema, I noticed something....the men..of the other versions, not so ape like. They kinda just want you to learn some basic information. Ok so maybe they don't have the best personalities or maybe it's BECAUSE I am female and not many women ask them technical questions, but you can kinda see , they are just eager, passionate people. In fact, I am going to go as far as to say, they have been far more valuable as a training resource than I could have possibly imagined. Including Mr. Karimov, to date, I have more than enough "other strains of Systema friends" than I could have possibly dreamed of. This makes me even question my own battery strength. While I have nothing really informative to share, the one thing these men have said to me was "thank you".
WHAT? Thank "me"?
I don't understand it either, but as a close friend of mine put it, "maybe you let them know there is something they are missing by being female and just talking to them about this stuff"
I hope so.
I really do hope standards of practice change here in the U.S. and I really hope instructors hold their students and themselves to a higher level or moral code than what has been put out there. As I continue conversations with Mr. Karimov and his instructors, I think that is the one thing we may have missed the boat on here. I am always amazed at how his instructors are amazed by my stories of anti-female sentiment, lack of incorporating women, and complete loss of the psychological instruction needed to become a decent practitioner.
Now, I am far from living a complete moral code of emotionally and psychologically healthy infused Systema, but am working my way there. It is alot harder than doing knuckle pushups, situps, squats, and rolls.
Also, there are some great, wonderful U.S. instructors out there. Amazing men, who have nothing but kindness emoting from their hearts. You will know them when you see or meet them.

The man with the huge smile, that's Andrey Karimov. 

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Andrey Karimov's You Tube Channel

Move, Breathe, Relaxxxxxx !!!!

The words "move , breathe, relax" are commonly chanted in Systema (at least in the United States). In fact, I don't think I have ever been to a seminar or class where I have not heard it.
Recently, I was at a seminar where the visiting instructor said "remember..move, breathe, relax". I was half paying attention, because I was coloring with my stepdaughter off to the side, but I immediately looked up and smiled. Before the class started, several of the men had been warming up by doing rolls, or "drills"(as they are formally called here). I, personally, was chatting away with my stepdaughter with no intentions of participating in the seminar because I was overcome with allergies.

I think the instructor may have said something along the lines of "guys, the best way to relax is to....RELAX!!!". Bingo. There it was. He said it and almost everyone looked at him like he had 8 heads. I smiled again.

Since I had been sort of online training with Andrey Karimov, one of the main topics of discussion has been psychological training. Yes..you read that right. PSYCHOLOGICAL training. Here in the U.S., one of the focal points of Systema are squats, sit ups, pushups and rolls. Very few times have I been to any type of Systema demo or class where this was not how class started out. In fact, at one major international seminar I went to, I think I attempted a combination of at least 200 of these.
When I asked the instructor the reason behind the "grunt" work he simply said "to break the psyche".

Um....what?
Immediately my internal monologue that switches to vocal retort had to turn on to mute.
It took everything I had to not say the following..
" I am a single mother, with two, maybe three jobs at times. I am a cancer survivor, a PTSD survivor, and have multiple medical conditions. The fact that I am 35 years old and still able to walk, is a miracle. Pretty sure my psyche has been broken."
Luckily for me, I never said it outloud. I understood , for the most part, WHY this was done, but I felt surely there had to be a better way. A softer way.

As the next few days of the international seminar unfolded during the "psyche breaking drills",I lay face down on the gymnasium floor, daydreaming about donuts and coffee, and how many souvenirs I can cram into my luggage before I head home. I briefly glanced up at the instructor who was standing immediately to my right. He had a huge smile on his face...I said in a quiet voice " I'm breaking my psyche..shhhhhhh". By the third day of the seminar, I pretty much checked out of the "psyche breaking" part all together. I became highly focused on how everyone else was going all out to  achieve their maximum effort of each exercise. It didn't help that I had recently had a conversation with a fellow Systema practitioner who said " I don't really go to seminars...you pay $300 + to do a bunch of stuff your home instructor probably already taught you".

When I first started conversations with Mr. Karimov, I secretly began planning my trip to Russia. I was  am all but convinced that he has something that I, maybe we desperately need here in the U.S. I had way too many questions to ask him on Facebook ( still do). I asked him at one point " what do I need to do to prepare myself if I go to Russia to train with you?"
His answer , "nothing".

Um, what? NOTHING???!! As in "not one thing"? No pushups, squats, rolls? Nothing physical? Lose 20 pounds, start lifting weights? Nothing?

I quickly realized what he was getting at. Why not just learn? Why not just go and be organic? There's so much to learn, how do you know what to prepare someone about if you don't know the psyche of that person? In my head, I thought "awesome, I don't have to start doing a million rolls" but my heart was pounding . My previous U.S. Systema mentality kept rearing up it's ugly head. How can I not prepare..what does he really mean?
He means what I have said to myself everytime someone says "oooooh you should watch (fill in the blank) Systema video of (fill in the blank) instructor. It's REALLLLLLY good."
I don't watch Systema videos. Or..didn't , until I watched Mr. Karimov's. I immediately became a fan. I have now watched so many that I can't even remember which ones I've watched and which ones I haven't. I never watched Systema videos because I really, reallllly am a fan of learning without preconceived notions of what is supposed to happen and what I should be learning. And, in fact, if you watch enough Systema videos(or enough of the wrong ones) you may end up not even going to a class.

Mr.Karimov's videos are full of music playing in the background, usually by him. He plays an instrument called the "balalaika". It's is a pitchy, guitar/banjo instrument, that has a bit of intricate artwork on it.

Andrey Karimov and Balalaika

This, THIS is how he breaks the psyche. Music. He plays at an alarmingly fast paced, loud rate. He very methodically watches his students as he's doing this. The tempo changes ( I have yet to figure out if he is changing it to the pace of his students or if he is changing it to CHANGE the pace of his students or if there is even a reason). Whatever the reason, it works. If you watch the videos (muted) you may flinch a few times at some of the "work" that is being done. If you unmute it, you just notice, movement. You may also notice a few smiles. For me, this idea works.
Why is this not done here? If you are a serious practitioner, I challenge you to ask yourselves that. Is there a reason we "pump" up to partake in a martial art, that explicitly asks that you remain "relaxed"? Is there a reason we need to be reminded constantly to " move, breathe, relax"?
 Some may say " the drills at the beginning of class are to break the psyche, that is it". Here's a little note on that...
Not once, since I've been "learning" from Mr. Karimov, has he ever described ANY of the work he does as "drills". Not once. Why? Maybe because for him and the amazing people that train with him, THIS IS THEIR WAY OF LIFE. They actually incorporate Systema as a lifestyle . Not a weekly class that you show up to.A "drill" implies that it is something only to be implemented when needed or for training purposes. A "drill" makes it seem like an exercise you must learn to be successful. If it is just something you do, then it is just something you do.
And to make things even more interesting, I am not even sure Mr. Karimov has a training/class schedule. He has a zillion and one seminars, that include full immersion in all aspects of what he teaches...including psychological work. That's right...PSYCHOLOGICAL.
One simply cannot learn how to run, without learning how to crawl then walk..we all KNOW this, but why , why are we not being taught this? Why is Systema here in the US taught without any type of psychological emphasis of remaining human? We are told "remain human" but , do most practitioners know what that means? Why are we not sat down with pen and paper, to discuss why this part of Systema is so very crucial to making you the best practitioner you can be?
Is it marketing? Is it watered down version? Is there something more? What are we really not learning?
Relaxing, to become a better martial artist, sounds weird at first, but really, it is highly effective. When I did finally jump into training at the seminar with "RELAXXXX" instructor, I found myself completely floating when we did our "drills" together. He had me up and on the ground in the matter of seconds. We playfully trained and he was so incredibly smooth that I felt, personally, THIS is what I want. THIS.
In fact, when I asked Mr. Karimov what he would like to do while he is here in the U.S.( I plan on selling a kidney to get him here) he just wrote "PLAY".

Yup.Me too...me too.

To watch more of Mr. Karimov's videos on You Tube :

http://www.youtube.com/user/nrooLad/videos

The T-shirt says it all

As I mindlessly fumbled through Trader Joe's today, something infinitely strange happened.
An employee ran up to me, extremely enthusiastic, and said "Awe DUDE, where do you train Systema!!"
(I don't *think* I look like a man, but...sometimes in Texas, "dude" is used between like aged, like minded adults.I think.)
This happened while I was attempting to figure out their credit card machine for the zillionth time.
I looked up at stared at him for probably a full minute when I heard my son's voice say "Mom, you're wearing the T- shirt"
 Ohhhh , right. The T-SHIRT!( the TSHIRT , is a whole 'nother blog)
" I ummm, well, I don't really train anymore, I mean..I used to train at this place, and even then not alot, so I , ummm...."
My son finally said "it's at *FILL IN THE BLANK* country club with *FILL IN THE BLANK* instructor."
I composed myself and remembered a rule of Systema..."breathe".
"Sorry, um sorry, it's just it caught me off guard and this isn't even my shirt, it's my fiancée's."
So he said "Oh, so you don't train? Orrrrr, you did train , or ummm?'
(this game of  "ummmms" really did happen)
"Yes, I do train, just not very often at this gym, but this instructor is great, you should go check him out, he's amazing..and the nicest man..."
The guy softly asked "what do you think of Combat Systema?"
OH.MY.GAWD. please don't go there..breathe.breathe.breathe.
"well, I mean..it is what it is. I guess I'd prefer not to think of it. At all. Ever..it's not particularly what I am drawn to. I do like knife work, but I kinda hate guns and....(interruption..)
"My mom is going to Russia to train with a Cossack. She's pretty awesome.Even though she doesn't train now."
Leave it to my son, to absolutely put me on the spot.
The guy(whom I now know as "Brian" ) said "NO WAY!" I was JUST looking into that...there's a Facebook page called "Cowboys and Cossacks", have you heard of it?!"

"THAT'S MY MOM's PAGE!!!" (for the love of all things righteous, my son is my biggest fan)
Brian then went on into a variety of unintelligible noises, words, half phrases and movements.
And then it hit me.This guy, this one man, did not give a rat's ass if I was a female. He didn't care that I hadn't practiced for very long, or that I wasn't bulging with muscles, ranting about how many burpees I could do. All he cared about was how much I could tell him about Systema in 5 minutes. As he meandered through very technical terminology, I feverishly looked up the school's schedule for him. I had no business cards to hand out, and since I don't go to training anymore, I have zero memory of dates and times.
He immediately called his friends to try to set it up so they all could go when he got out of work. The one thing I heard was "dude, the person who runs that "Cowboys and Cossacks" page is right here!"

The PERSON. For the second time in our 10 minute conversation, this man, so innocently did not give a care that I was female. He was most certainly the kind of male that belongs in Systema. He was eager, pleasant, laid back and just wanted more.He had been studying Jiu Jitsu and wanted something different. Something more holistic, something real. He had heard of Systema a few years back and wanted to try it, but wasn't sure if it was COMBAT Systema or Systema. I tried to answer as many questions for him as I could, without going overboard. I gave him the number to the school and times of classes, and told him it saved my life. Because it did.

On the drive home I had an overwhelming feeling of the first anti-female partner I trained with. It was at a seminar and this man ( an instructor from another state) openly and very loudly said " I AM NOT TRAINING WITH HER!!"
Yup. There it was. He said what I am sure any macho male who paired up with me wanted to say. Before the words "What did you jussst...?" could officially leave my mouth, I felt a tug on my arm by someone I vaguely recognized...he said "it's ok, you can train with me, that guy's a douche".
As we laughed our way through a series of slow movements and soft work, I thought in my head,
"who wouldn't want to train with women? We are soft, fun, soft...um...."
 Oh...I know. Men who have issues with women..that's who doesn't want to train with women.
Later on , said douche tried to buy me a drink, you know..to apologize.I declined and walked away from him. Left him in all his glory.

Brian, the guy from the store...not a douche. I hope he goes to class soon, and helps change the stereotype of women in training.
Brian, you made my day.

To visit "Cowboys and Cossacks" go to :
http://tinyurl.com/qganbd7