The Power of a Skirt: Does A Skirt Have More Power Than You May Think?

The power and beauty of a skirt. 

I write this on the eve of many realizations...one being, that I have worn a dress or skirt consecutively for over a week now, trying to implement the self given "skirt-a-day" challenge. This idea came after I returned from Russia(actually, it was in the works there) and wanted to work on a few social ideologies that I witnessed during my time there that may or may not get the attention of a few people who knew me best back home.
While I'd like to think this idea/challenge really worked, to be honest..it was a bust.Not completely, not yet, because I told myself I would do 30 days and see how I felt after. The goal was simple, wear a skirt or dress for 30 days , see if I can get a few of my friends to join in the fun(sorry girls, I totally forgot to mention it) , and see if there are any social or behavioral changes in the people around me based on the fact that I am simply wearing a skirt.
Before the fem-police get called in...I have to go back to how this whole thing started.

While in Russia, I had the honor and privilege to train with a wonderful woman named Olga Malkova.

Olga Malkova...fierce.

At first glance, Olga seemed quite ravishing and shy. She has raven colored hair and orange eyes(ok maybe not "orange" but very light brown..certainly orange in the sun). Her smile almost sings and her voice matches her. She is very polite, courteous and graceful.
Oh...and she can probably kick your ass.
After a few days of being around Olga, she encouraged me to wear a skirt to training. I nearly fell out of my KEEN hiking shoes when she suggested it. My immediate thought was "what if I trip and fall?!!!" But once I took a look around the room, I noticed almost all the women were wearing skirts. None were falling because of them and ALL of the women looked really graceful and amazing. That night, I unpacked my completely crushed and wrinkled skirt (which I was advised to bring beforehand) and laid it out with great disdain. I had no idea what was going to happen or how even..I would walk to the gym..in a skirt...(I didn't. I changed clothes at the gym..because yes..I am that stubborn).

Olga and several of the other women, were really, really amazing practitioners and martial artists. For the entire time I studied and tried to train in Systema in the US, I complained and whined about the lack of female presence in the Systema community. I only knew of a handful of women who trained in it and we all kind knew of each other and it was nice, but some of us felt very ho-hum about training. I personally , was lucky that I had some great experiences with some great instructors but overall, I always felt like I was missing something or, that I was going to get killed on the mat. Either way, there certainly wasn't a balance and I had been told many times, Systema is not for women.
SO of course, my shock in finding Andrey Karimov and his almost even number of women vs men seminars, was astounding. When I asked him if he trained women or taught them Systema, he replied "Why wouldn't I? Women are a strong social aspect of the world and are great to learn from!"...um. wha?
Not at all like any answer I heard before and also the biggest reason I went to Russia to train with him. There were just as many women at this seminar as there were men, and it certainly helped for the dancing part! But to watch these women toss men around like it was easy, was beautiful all on it's own, and in fact, I would have to say the epitome of perhaps what "soft work" should be.

I digress....
The day I walked into the gym in my skirt(or one of them), you could hear a pin drop. It was awkward to say the least and I felt probably the most embarrassed I had ever felt in my life. The only other closest example I had to this feeling was when I went to a friend's house for her birthday party and her husband did not recognize me (after knowing me for 10+ years) because I was "cleaned up". In fact, he almost didn't let me in the house! Had I known this whole time that wearing a skirt had THIS much power, perhaps I would have done it more...
and that was precisely Olga's point. Not that there were any stipulations or feminazi rules about it, but she could fight, dance, swordplay, sing and then cook, all in a skirt, all without falling and all with not even breaking a sweat. She was fully in control of her body, her movement and her grace. She, was in CONTROL.

Please don't let me fall on film, with a sword
(that was my mantra)

nailed it..sort of.

Once I started training, I quickly realized how NOT in control I was. I damn near tripped over my skirt every 5 seconds and of course, this was the same day we filmed a swordplay video.(ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!IN A SKIRT, ON FILM, WITH A SWORD ??!! UGHGHGH)... yes..that happened. Not only did the sword get caught in my skirt every 3 seconds, my frustration level was increasing and my mental state was getting frazzled. Now, this became a challenge. I looked around the room and not one other woman had this same issue, not even the female children. Not one. I was devastated, but trucked on.That night we danced until 2 am. I am pretty sure I mooned everyone there with the number of times I stepped on my skirt and pulled it down accidentally. Grace factor=zero.

The next day, I returned in my hiking pants(which fit by now because I was losing weight from all the physical activity), only to find the men AND women , slightly disappointed that I was not wearing a skirt again. AND, they told me about it!!! I almost felt bad that I had let them down, but wondered what all the fuss was about. The men told me I looked beautiful and the women said the same. It was probably the most compliments I had ever had, in my life.
Why would I not want more?
In fact, a few of the men and women asked if my own boyfriend treated me any different wearing a skirt and I had to embarrassingly admit, he did not. They encouraged me to wear skirts more often to represent a more graceful and feminine energy and maybe , he would hold my hand, or carry my things...maybe.

Of course, this single-handedly went against everything I strived for my entire adult female life. I wouldn't say I was a "feminist" but I would say that I could carry my own things,open a door and hell, I was known to have some of the most random, male dominated hobbies around. I'm not entirely sure if that's being a female in Texas , or just because I knew I had to do what made me happy. The cost was becoming obvious: I lost my feminine balance. Big time. Not only have I noticed in the past 2 years or so, that typically, I am the one holding the door open for men in public, but also I am the one fixing things, I am the one maintaining order..I was also, extremely exhausted. My body has slowly been giving off warning signs, everything from clusterheadaches to a horrific and nightmarish miscarriage. I was exhausting myself by doing everything and working hard to keep the ship from sinking.
But I didn't realize this until I was in Russia. During one of our discussions, one of the men told me how important it was for women to rest, therefore, the men
carried and chased after the young children from the time they could walk, until the children were self-sufficient. (Yeah, mom friends..we did it wrong).....He stated that women were really the driving force in the household and their support, love and nurturing spirit were all necessary to keep men motivated through anything;long work hours, financial loss or even..war.He also stated "this is why it's called "Mother Russia", she is revered.

not even his baby, ya'll, he's just helping.

This sentiment almost had me in tears. Mr. Karimov himself had told me that women were like a nuclear power plant and you never wanted it to explode....(LOL). And by the looks of how these men treated not only their own wives, but me, well there was something certainly to be said about it all.
I was slightly catered to, by some of the men in Russia. And by "catered to" I mean really, they were just attentive. If I looked too pensive , they checked to see if I was ok. Ran out of water?...some on the way...Raining? was covered up....Cold? Offered a jacket or to huddle in close. And usually, my arm was guided on almost every expedition we went on..in unison with many other women..... the women really were cared for. All of them.

Roman Khozeev knows how to do it right!!

Now, the personal debate for me was surely that it could not be just the skirt. However, in retrospect, what man would want to walk with a woman, who is not flowing gracefully with a long skirt, next to him? Not many. And when I brought up the actuality of what it is like in the states, that not many men walk around holding the hands of their female companions in the US, the Russian men were shocked.
Not only was this commonplace for the men in our group, it was common for the men to make sure if anyone else's wife was not accompanied, that one of them would make sure she was taken care of. All the women felt really, really safe. This was something I had not felt in ...well, ever.

Again, I was not sure if this was about the skirt, or about the maturity level of the men. All I can say
is that the women were amazing fighters and practitioners.
They were on point with their skill and grace and I learned so much from each one of them. The men did not take it easy on them in training and every female held her own. It was amazing and beautiful all at the same time. The women had an empowering tone overall and one that I admired daily. In fact, I sent a text message to a friend in the states and told her about this skirt phenomenon. While I waited for her response, I realized that I wore skirts before but usually on special occasions and that, on average, wearing a skirt on any other occasion other than a night out or church Sunday, meant you were a lazy , hippy female , who perhaps had no laundry left. Her response was exactly what I had thought in my head of when I personally stopped wearing skirts..."I usually only wear skirts when I don't have to chase the baby around".

this picture got alot of feedback on many levels

Almost simultaneously , I noticed one of the men in our group, carrying his baby and his
wife was training right next to him, in a skirt. To both their credits, they each trained with baby in hand and switched duties during training , so they could get equal amounts of time participating. This was not something I had going for me when my son was this age, but I could totally see the point of not wearing a skirt one your baby is walking...UNLESS , your male counterpart is equally responsible for the baby rearing.

yes..she took him out with a baby in hand.

Again, looking around the room, and in reflection of our trip, the parts of me that were lost in my personal journey, became the parts of me that were immediately brought back to the table. Often times, women lose their sense of identity when they become mothers and wives and they become all too secondary of a thought in a household. They are easily overlooked, unappreciated and even, left behind and this is exactly what happened to me. I became only "mom" and nothing more which almost everyone at the seminar noticed.....
getting to a point of how to change this , was almost all too much for me to deal with and at times, it is what certainly broke me at the seminar. My emotional state when from being numb, to wondering what I had done in my life and relationships, to how would I be able to recover..?? Yup..all from a skirt...

So, Olga's advice was simple..."Olivia..start small, start wearing a skirt and see how you feel , on the inside, the rest will radiate from within."

She's good, because yes, I feel great but really, the only person who noticed was another friend of mine who coincidentally , ALWAYS wears skirts and dresses. But I also noticed that she has amazing physical balance(she wears heels all the time) and I have literally seen her ask for help when she needs to carry something heavy and no one rolls their eyes at her(um, if I ask for help to carry something heavy, often times it is because I am being sarcastic---hence sub-issue part 2). While her encouragement for hanging in there with the skirt challenge is amazing, I wonder still, what social impact it will make on the people around me? What if I become someone who asks for help after years of not needing any? What if I become someone who can receive a compliment without snorting a sarcastic laugh after...? What if this skirt thing works wonders in my training balance and grace (something I've struggled with my entire adult life)???

Hopefully some of my skirt antics will be available on DVD or video soon and you too, can see my blunders during training with a skirt. So far, it's only day 9 of wearing a skirt and I've tripped and fallen twice, not bad at all. I rather enjoy the whole skirt thing and if you'd like to join in the challenge let me know!!