In light of recent events, I have all of the sudden made a TON of new Facebook friends. The common statement I receive is "Wow, you just took this whole thing to another level...why?"
Please, let me explain....
My journey into Systema(US style) , was a short, brief, rather- weak -attempt- on- my- part, one.I am the first to admit, I am not the best student, martial artist(I never claim that title) , or understander of it, ever.While I swear up and down, Systema saved my life in more ways than one, something happened to me recently, that really made me think..."Systema, could really save my life now".
To tell the story , to help you to understand, I will have to tell the story...
In January of 2014, I began feeling ill. Nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite, dizziness. I was crying for no reason. I had aches and pains in random places...most of these things were usual for me, minus the vomiting and lack of appetite. Jokingly one of my friends said " are you sure you aren't pregnant?".
The reason this is a joke with my friends and I is, because in 2009, I had cervical cancer. Part of my cervix was removed and I had a combined ablation surgery to help the cancer not spread. I made a full recovery but was assured by doctors I would never, ever be able to get pregnant again.
Well, the pregnancy test I took that evening proved otherwise. In fact, all of them did. This was on a Sunday , late at night. I was hysterical. Devastated . Confused.
The next day, I called as many doctors as I could. They all put me off and patted me on the head until finally I told one of them of my past medical history. She got me into her office that day. She confirmed I was pregnant and gave me the date and times she had available for the "medically necessary" abortion. We sat in horror. I told her I was not ready for this and had to think about it. I rescheduled an appointment with the ultrasound tech for the following week . During that appointment, we were able to see our little embryo. The doctor, once again, advised we not continue with the pregnancy due to the extreme danger it would put me in. Again..we were devastated. The following week, we had another ultrasound appointment. Much to everyone's surprise, the embryo began forming as normal. My hormone levels skyrocketed. WE. WERE .PREGNANT. At this stage, there is a moment when life, is life..and this baby was fighting. We decided to try to keep the pregnancy. After our appointment with "Dr.Doom", we decided to find another doctor who would at least support our decision. We found one.
Before I go on, I have to also mention that right before any of this happened, I had a mammogram due to a lump I found in my right breast... by the time I was six weeks into my pregnancy, I got a call from my oncologist who needed to see me right away.
When I sat in his office, already with some weight gain, I was not in unfamiliar territory. An oncology center is not my favorite place to be, but I only assumed he was going to tell me it was nothing. When he walked in, I chimed that I was pregnant with a certain glee behind my voice. He sat down, put his head in his hands and told me that I needed a biopsy .
I was devastated, again. The mass had all the markings of cancer. I have a family history of cancer. I , had already had cancer. I sat in shock while he and his nurse filled out the paperwork. The next day, we met with the surgeon. While the surgeon reviewed all of the options of whether a biopsy was even safe at this point during my high risk pregnancy, I kept thinking" this cannot be happening".
It was. I was scheduled for my biopsy with no sedation because it was too risky. If you have not had a needle forced into your body to remove a chunk of tissue , while completely awake and talking , you have not experienced pain. I joked with the radiologist the entire time and tried to "breathe and relax". It sorta worked.
A week later , I was called in for results. At this point, we had already seen part of our baby formed in ultrasound , with a miraculously strong heartbeat. He was kicking and moving and making me nauseous. My weight gain was epic and I was ok with that. The doctor sat down , put his hand on my leg and told me the worst news. I was going to have to have the lump biopsied again because the sample came back inconclusive and due to my pregnancy, this could mean I either had six months to live (hormones can increase the spread of cancer) or , at some point, the cancer could spread rapidly back to my cervix. The second biopsy leaned more on the side of cancer. within a week, I was scheduled for a full lumpectomy. While managing a delicate pregnancy. The follow up appointment was great, any trace of cancer was removed because it was at it earliest stage!
All of my doctors, specialists and team were confident, at least openly, that I would be ok.
About a week after my lumpectomy, I was in horrible pain. Blood was coming out of me everytime I urinated. I was admitted to the hospital for one week for testing, rest and medication. I was glad to leave and continue my pregnancy.
A week later, I woke up covered in clear fluid. I screamed in horror and within hours,my life crumbled . We , were in the process of losing our fighter baby.
As I was being heavily sedated to keep my hysterics at a minimum, all I could think of was how short our lives were. How if, we didn't fight, we didn't try, what I would have not learned. As I was in and out of states of shock, I had an epidural to help with the delivery, that was completely botched and ripped parts of my spine...(that is a whole different story).
Days went by. The depression of living through a tragic loss, post pardem depression and back and forth physical pain were too much. I decided to start to do some Systema at home. Rolling, was out. The scar from my lumpectomy stung every minute I laid face down on the floor. My back, had scars from the botched epidural. My legs, were swollen from being hospitalized... I was a mess. As I lay on the floor, I decided to think of "drills" that I had not seen. I came up with a very simple drill using a stick and a wall(or partner) and presented it to my former instructor. The students loved it and i was amazed. If out of inspiration, I, as merely a student, came up with this idea, why was I having so much trouble being stuck in training?Systema saved me so many times, but what more did I need? What was I not being taught?
What other potential did I, as a student, have that was not being unlocked? I sat in my car after class and cried. I felt like I was so stuck in training and only blamed myself.
I decided to ask around via other international instructors for advice. And one in particular, pointed me to Andrey Karimov. I was delighted. His videos intrigued me to no end. I contacted him immediately. This same instructor told me about Valentin Talanov. I had heard of Mr. Talanov and had seen so many Facebook pictures of him that I was familiar. I saw that he was to hold a seminar soon in the US and penciled it in. I was excited. I knew Mr. Talanov was great at breathwork and that my diaphragm had been destroyed during alot of what I went through.
In the meantime, I sought out support locally to help bring Mr. Karimov to Texas. There was none. In fact, there was contrite. I was devastated. I switched gears and sought support to help bring another instructor from the Systema strain here, again..met with angst. I sought out support to bring Mr. Talanov here, and again. nothing.
At this point in my life, I knew one thing. These instructors had an incredible amount to offer. In my conversations with Mr. Karimov alone, I learned more about Systema than any other training or seminar that I had been to. If he could help me in conversation, imagine in person. I pushed forward and decided to figure out how to bring Mr. Karimov to the United States.
During this time, something very bizarre happened in the Systema list. Mr Valentin Talanov was cut from his top instructor status with whom he had been affiliated. I was beyond devastated. That meant, no seminar...no training..and no adding to my health regime. At some point I realized, that there was some deep seeded inner workings going on that many don't know about or hear of. As his cut from the group became a public display of insult, I became more and more angry. Not only was he being thwarted, he was being stopped or slowed down , from coming to the US. Now, I knew, no one would support him here, and I would have zero chance to learn breathwork from him. Now, these people, have made an attack on MY health. They have invaded my right to learn, and also, stopped others from learning from the best.
My online campaign of promoting all , ALL, Systema began. I was not nor am not, going to be a part of a program that will hold people back from growing as practitioners. I was not ,nor am not, going to watch these men be squeezed out while the rest of us sit in uneducated trances watching the same tricks over and over and over, when there is so much out there to offer. As my research into other styles grow, my mind and heart fill with the goal of creating an important opportunity for all of us. I will not stop until everyone "gets what they need". Since it seems, some groups do not want to work with me, I will consider them working against me, and their students. I have heard the same story over and over..."my instructor won't let me train with another instructor" and I even went through a little of that myself, and you know what?? That may be because your instructor is coated with not only fear, but ego. Two of the biggest areas that Systema talks about not having. If this is your instructor. Leave. And know, this is really only a problem in the US. Ask yourself why.
I invite you as instructors, students, question havers , to any seminar we will have in the next few years and experience the glory out side the hole we have all been in. Since many of us can't get to Russia...why not bring Russia, here? The power to growing a community, is beautiful and the only way to do it, is to do it....
Happy Training!
 |
| I am really a nice person, no, really. |
My journey into Systema(US style) , was a short, brief, rather- weak -attempt- on- my- part, one.I am the first to admit, I am not the best student, martial artist(I never claim that title) , or understander of it, ever.While I swear up and down, Systema saved my life in more ways than one, something happened to me recently, that really made me think..."Systema, could really save my life now".
To tell the story , to help you to understand, I will have to tell the story...
In January of 2014, I began feeling ill. Nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite, dizziness. I was crying for no reason. I had aches and pains in random places...most of these things were usual for me, minus the vomiting and lack of appetite. Jokingly one of my friends said " are you sure you aren't pregnant?".
The reason this is a joke with my friends and I is, because in 2009, I had cervical cancer. Part of my cervix was removed and I had a combined ablation surgery to help the cancer not spread. I made a full recovery but was assured by doctors I would never, ever be able to get pregnant again.
Well, the pregnancy test I took that evening proved otherwise. In fact, all of them did. This was on a Sunday , late at night. I was hysterical. Devastated . Confused.
The next day, I called as many doctors as I could. They all put me off and patted me on the head until finally I told one of them of my past medical history. She got me into her office that day. She confirmed I was pregnant and gave me the date and times she had available for the "medically necessary" abortion. We sat in horror. I told her I was not ready for this and had to think about it. I rescheduled an appointment with the ultrasound tech for the following week . During that appointment, we were able to see our little embryo. The doctor, once again, advised we not continue with the pregnancy due to the extreme danger it would put me in. Again..we were devastated. The following week, we had another ultrasound appointment. Much to everyone's surprise, the embryo began forming as normal. My hormone levels skyrocketed. WE. WERE .PREGNANT. At this stage, there is a moment when life, is life..and this baby was fighting. We decided to try to keep the pregnancy. After our appointment with "Dr.Doom", we decided to find another doctor who would at least support our decision. We found one.
 |
| Max |
When I sat in his office, already with some weight gain, I was not in unfamiliar territory. An oncology center is not my favorite place to be, but I only assumed he was going to tell me it was nothing. When he walked in, I chimed that I was pregnant with a certain glee behind my voice. He sat down, put his head in his hands and told me that I needed a biopsy .
I was devastated, again. The mass had all the markings of cancer. I have a family history of cancer. I , had already had cancer. I sat in shock while he and his nurse filled out the paperwork. The next day, we met with the surgeon. While the surgeon reviewed all of the options of whether a biopsy was even safe at this point during my high risk pregnancy, I kept thinking" this cannot be happening".
It was. I was scheduled for my biopsy with no sedation because it was too risky. If you have not had a needle forced into your body to remove a chunk of tissue , while completely awake and talking , you have not experienced pain. I joked with the radiologist the entire time and tried to "breathe and relax". It sorta worked.
A week later , I was called in for results. At this point, we had already seen part of our baby formed in ultrasound , with a miraculously strong heartbeat. He was kicking and moving and making me nauseous. My weight gain was epic and I was ok with that. The doctor sat down , put his hand on my leg and told me the worst news. I was going to have to have the lump biopsied again because the sample came back inconclusive and due to my pregnancy, this could mean I either had six months to live (hormones can increase the spread of cancer) or , at some point, the cancer could spread rapidly back to my cervix. The second biopsy leaned more on the side of cancer. within a week, I was scheduled for a full lumpectomy. While managing a delicate pregnancy. The follow up appointment was great, any trace of cancer was removed because it was at it earliest stage!
All of my doctors, specialists and team were confident, at least openly, that I would be ok.
About a week after my lumpectomy, I was in horrible pain. Blood was coming out of me everytime I urinated. I was admitted to the hospital for one week for testing, rest and medication. I was glad to leave and continue my pregnancy.
As I was being heavily sedated to keep my hysterics at a minimum, all I could think of was how short our lives were. How if, we didn't fight, we didn't try, what I would have not learned. As I was in and out of states of shock, I had an epidural to help with the delivery, that was completely botched and ripped parts of my spine...(that is a whole different story).
Days went by. The depression of living through a tragic loss, post pardem depression and back and forth physical pain were too much. I decided to start to do some Systema at home. Rolling, was out. The scar from my lumpectomy stung every minute I laid face down on the floor. My back, had scars from the botched epidural. My legs, were swollen from being hospitalized... I was a mess. As I lay on the floor, I decided to think of "drills" that I had not seen. I came up with a very simple drill using a stick and a wall(or partner) and presented it to my former instructor. The students loved it and i was amazed. If out of inspiration, I, as merely a student, came up with this idea, why was I having so much trouble being stuck in training?Systema saved me so many times, but what more did I need? What was I not being taught?
I decided to ask around via other international instructors for advice. And one in particular, pointed me to Andrey Karimov. I was delighted. His videos intrigued me to no end. I contacted him immediately. This same instructor told me about Valentin Talanov. I had heard of Mr. Talanov and had seen so many Facebook pictures of him that I was familiar. I saw that he was to hold a seminar soon in the US and penciled it in. I was excited. I knew Mr. Talanov was great at breathwork and that my diaphragm had been destroyed during alot of what I went through.
In the meantime, I sought out support locally to help bring Mr. Karimov to Texas. There was none. In fact, there was contrite. I was devastated. I switched gears and sought support to help bring another instructor from the Systema strain here, again..met with angst. I sought out support to bring Mr. Talanov here, and again. nothing.
At this point in my life, I knew one thing. These instructors had an incredible amount to offer. In my conversations with Mr. Karimov alone, I learned more about Systema than any other training or seminar that I had been to. If he could help me in conversation, imagine in person. I pushed forward and decided to figure out how to bring Mr. Karimov to the United States.
During this time, something very bizarre happened in the Systema list. Mr Valentin Talanov was cut from his top instructor status with whom he had been affiliated. I was beyond devastated. That meant, no seminar...no training..and no adding to my health regime. At some point I realized, that there was some deep seeded inner workings going on that many don't know about or hear of. As his cut from the group became a public display of insult, I became more and more angry. Not only was he being thwarted, he was being stopped or slowed down , from coming to the US. Now, I knew, no one would support him here, and I would have zero chance to learn breathwork from him. Now, these people, have made an attack on MY health. They have invaded my right to learn, and also, stopped others from learning from the best.
My online campaign of promoting all , ALL, Systema began. I was not nor am not, going to be a part of a program that will hold people back from growing as practitioners. I was not ,nor am not, going to watch these men be squeezed out while the rest of us sit in uneducated trances watching the same tricks over and over and over, when there is so much out there to offer. As my research into other styles grow, my mind and heart fill with the goal of creating an important opportunity for all of us. I will not stop until everyone "gets what they need". Since it seems, some groups do not want to work with me, I will consider them working against me, and their students. I have heard the same story over and over..."my instructor won't let me train with another instructor" and I even went through a little of that myself, and you know what?? That may be because your instructor is coated with not only fear, but ego. Two of the biggest areas that Systema talks about not having. If this is your instructor. Leave. And know, this is really only a problem in the US. Ask yourself why.
I invite you as instructors, students, question havers , to any seminar we will have in the next few years and experience the glory out side the hole we have all been in. Since many of us can't get to Russia...why not bring Russia, here? The power to growing a community, is beautiful and the only way to do it, is to do it....
Happy Training!
